Is Adoption right for you?

As an adoptive parent, I know a lot about adoption.  I don't know everything, but I do know a lot.  Not only do I have a personal relationship with adoption, but I am always reading and talking to other people whose lives were also touched by adoption.  I love the support system of other adoptive families.  To hear their stories and to get their perspectives and to hear of their triumphs and challenges and how they handle the challenges.  I am also always willing to share with others the knowledge that I have as well as my personal story.  

When someone starts a conversation with me about adoption I am in heaven.  There is nothing better than talking to people about the gift of adoption.  Especially if a person knew nothing about adoption, and I was able to open their heart and mind to understand and accept all that adoption is.   

Some conversations are brief, some are more in depth.  Some ask a lot of questions about the process.  Some ask a lot of questions about the children. Some ask why adopt internationally rather than domestically......... and the list goes on.  

Some tell me that I am a special person because I have adopted. 
That is the furthest from the truth.  I am no different than anyone else.  I did not do anything extra special.  My situation was one of desperation.  I had suffered so much while struggling to grow my family,  that adoption became the only option left for us.  I was not one of those people who was called to adopt from the time I was very young.  Even though Bill is adopted, I never really looked at adoption as an option for me and my family. 

So, I am proof that adoption comes into people's lives in different ways. Some people know from early on that they will adopt.  They have the why, where, when and hows all worked out.  Some are put in the position to adopt when they least expect it.  Some are like me and the option to adopt evolves and the love of adoption keeps them coming back for more.


Just as people have different likes for food, fashion, religious beliefs, etc. there are different likes for adoption.  There are some people who couldn't imagine adopting an older child over an infant or a boy instead of a girl, a healthy child instead of a child with special needs.  They couldn't imagine adopting a Hispanic child over an Asian child or an African child over a Caucasian child.  Luckily there are so many options in the world of adoption that no matter what your like is there will be a program that meets your needs and desire. 

I tell people how adoption is the most WONDERFUL gift a family can receive!!  I also tell them that the road to get there may not be so wonderful and that once you arrive things may not be so desirable.  The road is LONG!  It is DIFFICULT!  It is SCARY!  It is UNPREDICTABLE!  It is EMOTIONAL! It can be HEARTBREAKING, but it can also be WONDERFUL!!  

I know that everyone is called to adopt differently, but once you feel that you are ready to adopt, you need to soak up as much information as you possibly can and be prepared for everything.  

Expectations should not be one of only euphoria and fantasy.  Adoption is a hard road for everyone involved and the outcome is not always what you daydreamed about.  

Families interested in adoption need to do their homework.  They also need to be realistic in what they can and are willing to take on.  Only you can decide in what capacity you are able to successfully open your heart to adoption.  Being a parent in any capacity is a tough job and you have to be prepared.  People tend to think that just because you are adopting you can choose the best of the best and weed out any problems.  This couldn't be further from the truth. 

Whether adopting or giving birth to your child, there are no guarantees.  Your child can be born healthy and develop normally or they can be born healthy and develop problems.  They may even be born with problems that perhaps went undetected before birth.  Same goes with an adopted child. Know that with any adoption, you may not have all the facts you hope to have.  Those that are disclosed may not be accurate.  You may also deal with a normal child who cannot overcome the trauma of loss associated with being adopted.  Bottom line is, there is no guarantee with life or adoption.
 
We know, that as we venture into our next adoption, that it may not be all sunshine and sandy beaches.  Adopting an older child has it's challenges.  This child will have had anywhere from 3 to 6 years of a life without us in it.  Regardless of the circumstances in her life, it was her life and the only one she knows.  While we may not see it as ideal, she is comfortable there.  She will have a very hard time adjusting to her new life with us.  She has suffered loss already when she was placed for adoption and she will once again suffer loss when she is placed with us.  We will allow her time to grieve the loss of the only life she knows and the loss of the people in it.  We will allow time to earn her trust in us, to bond with us and to one day love us.  We will allow ourselves and Olivia time to grieve the loss of the life we knew and to learn to cope with the ups and downs we will endure as we all learn to be a family.  

So, whether or not adoption is right for you is a question that only you can answer.  The best way to figure out that answer is to do your research, know what you and your family can handle, open your heart and educate yourself.  Find a support system that works for you and use that support system, before, during and after your adoption.  Have faith. If you have doubts, figure out why and listen to your heart and your head to make the best decision possible for you and your family.  

If saying "no" to adoption is not an option then work hard to make it work and you won't regret it.  We did!!